From the Blog

Wives Speak Up–He’s NOT Hearing You!

I don’t get many requests to coach career transitioning husbands and their wives together. Hmmm! Maybe I should start making that a requirement?

An excellent blog post by Pastor Ron Edmondson got me thinking about the way we men tend to become so focused on our job change that we don’t always hear what our wives are thinking and feeling about our great new opportunity.  

Guys: We need to get better at listening to our wives!  

Wives shattered dreams

Wives have shattered dreams too!

In the interactions that I have had with couples, there is definitely a repeating theme of wives feeling left out or overwhelmed by the changes brought into family life by a change of job. That step up from youth pastor to associate or senior pastor grabs the full focus, energy and passion of us guys and we may miss the mess we are creating for the rest of the family. (especially our wives!) Generally, wives have been quiet during the session so I make a point to ask them questions and help them get their thoughts and feelings out in the open. After they have opened up, often I have heard the men say, “I don’t think I have ever heard you say it quite that way!” or something similar. It is  amazing how often there is genuine shock that they have been so focused on work that they missed the signs of stress and grief their helpmate is sharing.

With this is mind, guys please take some time and ask some questions, listen–really listen to our wives. The time spent will bring great peace and rewards! 🙂

“How’s all this move stuff working on you?”

What can I do to help with the packing and move plans?”

“I know the kids can handle the move and leaving friends behind, but how are you doing with it?”

Trust me, it will make life a lot better for all and during transitions the more tension and mis-communication we can avoid, the better! Give her a gift of your time and attention! You’ll both like it!

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